McDonalds is Your Nanny

Whether or not we realize it as parents, we have surrendered the mentoring of our kids to the marketing spinmeisters of corporate America. By dedicating a greater portion of our waking hours towards chasing The America Dream we are taking time away from our kids, thus leaving them more vulnerable to outside influences. The result is a list of kids' questions never answered and discussion opportunities missed, which leaves an information void that is filled by media and pop culture.

The basic formula for our 24-hour day has traditionally looked something like this:

Sleep + Work + Other = 24

Where "Other" is comprised of a stew of activities involving family, friends, leisure time, community involvement, etc. Each component of this equation has traditionally been allotted 8 hours, but over the last 15 years or so the balance has become skewed and somewhat blurred as we began to succumb to external pressures (chasing The Dream) and spent more time at work both physically and virtually, thanks to technology. Transforming our daily equation into this:

SleeWp + OR + OKther = 24/7

If you are a parent, the price you pay for allowing your work life to encroach into your "Other" time results in an erosion in the amount of time you can spend rearing your kids. In order to budget your Other time your forced to turn to organized activities and in-car DVD players or Gameboys (aka "Screen Nannies") to occupy the kids as you rush around to the other functional activities of our day, such as getting the groceries, taking the dog to the vet or going to Best Buy.
The amount of time the kids spend in the controlled environment of their homes is then replaced with the quasi-controlled environment in the backseat of your mini-van. Messages, both overt and sublime, assault their senses in the form of radio commercials, Hollywood movies, billboards as well as the actions and words of their peers. This creates quite a paradox as they spend less time with their parents, which increases their exposure to external stimuli thus creating more questions for them that are best answered by their parents.

The best solution I can put forth in this short post, is to maximize the effectiveness of the time you get to spend with your kids. Your goal is to make it obvious to your kids how special your time together is.

• Create a schedule for together time and STICK TO IT. Exceptions happen, but if you're constantly showing up an hour late for dinner because you stayed late at the office then you are sending a message to your child that they are not a priority in your day. Actions speak louder than words.
• Use stories of your own experiences to make a point. If you do this on a regular basis, the kids will not only be entertained, but they will hang on your every word. This is a much more effective tool than a "don't do this/that" lecture. Check out this website for other helpful uses of storytelling.
• Fun and games release tension and strengthen bonds. They also create more opportunities for spontaneous conversation, when you can casually learn all sorts of things about each other. A fifteen minute game of catch or Uno is all it takes.
  
• Put particular emphasis on your first ten minutes together after work and school by shutting off the radio in the car and asking specific questions about their day. Make the questions open ended ("Tell me about gym class today.") to cut down on the chance for quick yes or no answers. If the kids are not talkative, then take the initiative yourself and share something about your day. Consistency is important here; do it EVERY day and don't be discouraged if the feedback on any given day is not very substantial. It will get their with practice.